An Episodic Chronicle: A Girl and a Boy and the Determination of Pigs

 Day 2: June 3, 2022 -- The Arrival of Mrs. Wilbur

Gordon and Suze awoke at 5:30 a.m. to the sound of the dogs barking more hysterically than usual. Suze shrewdly decided to let Gordon handle things, thinking she’d get a bit more sleep.

But when Gordon got downstairs to the pen, he found Wilbur free-ranging on their hilly, juniper-bedecked property, oinking victoriously. Suze raced downstairs, armed with leftover pizza, to entice Wilbur back into his pen.

Pizza worked better than force. Apparently white carbs soaked in spicy sauce and salty fats were Wilbur’s love language. Back in the pen went Wilbur, greedily relieving Gordon and Suze of unwanted leftovers. After a quick strategy session, Suze set off for Home Depot in town, armed with a list of reinforcing materials to make the pen into a maximum-security facility.

Rats had built a nest in the engine compartment of their other vehicle and had chewed through several critical wires, thereby stranding Gordon at home for a few hours. He was not entirely unhappy about this development.

By 10:00 a.m., an exhausted Gordon decided to wait for the call to come get Mrs. Wilbur inside the air-conditioned house with a few of Suze’s incomparable homemade cinnamon rolls and a vat of strong coffee.

A few hours later, Suze returned to a weary (but highly caffeinated) Gordon and offered to accompany him to the seller’s farm to help pick up Mrs. Wilbur. When they got there, Gordon, having learned something about directly confronting a recalcitrant pig, lay in wait, hiding behind the transport enclosure. Mrs. Wilbur docilely allowed herself to be led into the crate, whereupon Gordon quickly closed and latched the door.

Suze asked the seller’s young daughter if it would be okay to change Mrs. Wilbur’s name from Betsy Ross to Charlotte. Shaking her head sadly, the little girl murmured “Please don’t change my pig’s name” and Suze melted. So Betsy Ross she is and Betsy Ross she will stay.

Upon seeing his mate, Wilbur was instantly transformed into a happy, serene boar. Gordon fed the snuggling pair some canned peaches and shuffled back to the house to Suze’s incomparable pulled pork and a much-needed, well-deserved rest.